then play on.
MY 2nd ANNIVERSARY!!!!! 4.09AM BLOGGED
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP. PERIOD!
Why the hell am I so goddamn happy??? Cos it's finally that day! The day I've always been waiting for, although doubted a few times, but I still am happy so who gives a shit?!
Baby actually snuck into my house just now around 12-ish midnight. He did it last night as well and it was the best ever. It was my first time sneaking a boy into my house at night, so yeah, as expected, the fear and adrenaline rush got to me. I went into a little 'seizure'. I was shivering so hard and felt really cold cos I was actually scared shitless. But after the first time, I was ok with it.
We spent time together til like 3am and he went home. He climbed up the hill behind my house and lemme tell you, I love him for this....HE GOT 3 CUTS AND STILL WANTED TO DO IT AGAIN!! He never stopped. He doesn't want to. He loves it despite the injuries. We spent time watching comedy clips on YouTube just now and it was all good. Before tonight happened, the morning was a bitch. I woke up quite sleepy cos baby came over the night before and I didn't get enough sleep.
I was a little cranky so I got mad at him for picking me up late during lunch and for getting upset just cos I got pissy. Then he explained everything to me and my guilt just creeped back into my soul. He has quite a few surprises planned for later though. We're having lunch at Empire and a movie there also. I asked him just now in the morning about his choice of venue for the 2nd anniversary and he told me that he did this for all his other ex-es and he felt bad for not doing it for me.
Makes sense though actually. They treat him far worse than I will ever do, so in a sense, they didn't really deserve all the fancy fancy shit he spent on them. Girls ask me how I could trust so much and I realy don't know how to actually explain it.
Anyways, I'll blog again tomorrow. I'm sleepy as heelllll so NIGHT!!! ciao bello
&&kick it
Labels: 2nd ANNIE
-and this she wrote.
Yes obviously I'm kinda obssessed with that straightening cream thing. Why? Cos it actually works really well with my hair. My hair's a picky bitch so it's pretty hard to actually look for a product that suits my hair, but this one surprisingly does. Oh well, nuff bout my hair.
AND NOT TO MENTION!!! My new laptop. Dell XPS in pink (: Happy happy days. I actually got it last Monday, the day after the day I was supposed to get it. But now that I have it, I've been happier HAHA. I finally get to have my own laptop and a place where I can blog and do my assignments anytime I want in private.
Life has been pretty much hectic for me lately. There's been problems with the BF and school as well. I'm just trynna keep up with everything now. Our 2nd year annie's coming up soon. It's this Friday actually, 1st MAY '07. We've been having major problems though reccently (recently meaning just now in the afternoon after school). We fought about me falling asleep on him last night. I actually had a very tiring day yesterday, so logically I fell asleep straight away after I got home from his house and he got all mad just cos I overslept. Yeah, although I did wake up around 5.37am which meant we didn't get to talk all night, doesn't the daily visits to my college and his house count??
He keeps saying tha he need to see me often and he does everything for a reason. Too good of a reason I'm betting. I couldn't take the constant control anymore, it's like he's suffocating me so much that the urge to breath just takes all control over me. I can't take the constant sneaking out and shutting up anymore. I want to have my own voice. No matter how many times he tells me that he's doing all this cos he loves me, it's like hearing your parents say it. It just loses all meaning. I wanna leave, but I can't. Something keeps telling me that no other man can love me as much as him and I'm not even gonna deny it. I just wish he would understand what I feel right now and give me the space I need. Even a little bit would be nice.
I really don't know how much longer I can stand going back to him and going through the same ordeal again. Yeah we fight, but we end up making up again, and why? Cos I go back to him. He asks me why I can't leave him when I keep saying that I'm that close to walking out. My answer's this. Cos I can't take the drama anymore. Break ups lead to tears and pain. I don't need that right now and I'm terrified of the consequences. The last time I left, it brought me pain and a lot of drama. I can't take that shit right now, I just don't have time for none of that.
So for now, I'll just sit and smile like everything's ok when deep inside I know that one day everything's gonn blow up in either his or my face. Either way it's still gonna be a loss. A lose-lose situation...Don't y'all hate that kinda BS?
Other than that, college has been a bitch as well. Assignments have been piling up and tests are just flowing like a never ending river. I'm seriously just waiting for the 2nd term holidays to come along, but the next one's in June. Wow....so close...pfft!
I'm fucking sleepy now, so it's off to bed til later. Nights! and ciao bello.
&&blame it on the alcohol
-and this she wrote.
Nothing much happened today. Tomorrow's gonna be pretty much boring also for school. Nothing interesting has happened lately. The laptop was supposed to be the highlight of my month, but oh well :(
TIL NEXT TIME ciao bello!
&&screw this
-and this she wrote.
-and this she wrote.
Yes I look mighty stupid in that picture, but just so you know, I'm in a very very stupid mood right now. For the chopsticks, I'm eating ramen right now. Yes, most of you guys are probably going, "OHHH so that's what that brown thing is." In a good way ofcourse. Not meaning to jinx it, but my day's going quite well today. Gonna get my laptop tomorrow hopefully at either the mall or kiulap at their main office. Right now, I'm blogging on my little cousin's Vaio laptop, just testing it out. Trynna have the feel of how the keyboard's like.
Quite hard to type with actually cos they're all spaced out like those on a Macbook. I guess I'm just not quite used to it and the laptop can be a little slow depending on how many programs you're running at the time. Other than that, everything's good. The laptop actually looks very good. All pink, including the inside of it, so there's no colour contrast. I actually chose the Dell cos I guess it has a more grown up look to it. I aint no kid, I don't need an all pink laptop HAHA. I need a hint of professionalism (if that's even a word) in to my belongings. Yeah yeah I'm fussy, deal with it.
The BF said that tomorrow night's phonecall would be extra long because of the laptop. He knows me well...I'm kinda impressed by his memory actually. That man can remember things from wayyyy back. Even the tiniest details. Yes it's creepy, but it's him and I don't plan to change it for the world *BIG GRIN*
School in the morning was quite ok, other than the amount of assignments and to-do's they've given us, it's all good. Yes I have been slacking a lot lately. Old habits have come back to haunt me, but rest assured I will get back on track. I am aiming for that scholarship to NSU and I am not losing it!! Losing that scholarship is NOT A FUCKIN OPTION. My god, blogging really does take the appetite away. Blogging away the stressful part of my life actually takes away my hunger.
I am now amazed........
Just kidding (: My Socio test went pretty badly just now. My essay was pretty long, but hell, for all I know, it was all rubbish. I tend to have a skill in making something look really good, but once you get really into it, you find out that it's all bullshit. Sucks balls.
Just now in the morning, baby and I actually had a very 'interesting' conversation. It involved homosexuality. I really had no idea on how that topic came up, but it just did. For all you nosey bitches, I aint putting my conversation up here. Tough luck. We actually came to talking about his sister, who's apparently a lesbian. There was actually no surprise there cos I knew it from the very first time I met her. I was actually surprised that she was actually his biological sister because honestly, they look nothing alike!
She's actually a really nice person. Unlike the BF, she actually smiles alot. I've never met baby's biological parents nor have I met his other siblings, but from what I heard, they're one 'interesting' group of people. I don't really mean it in a bad way ofcourse. Anyways, back to his sister. I found out that she turned lesbian because some perverted asshole tried to rape her. Took her 3 years to get over the whole thing and that's when she became a...butch. I don't mind her actually, but baby decided to tell me the story.
From there, the topic we talked about went on to animal cruelty. We talked about how the slaughtering of puppies, rabbits and cats were shown on a show called Faces of Death. Some of you might have either heard of it or actually watched it's gruesome episodes. The sight of the Vietnamese popping a knife into the cute little puppy's chest actually made me cry. It was still fucking moving! For the rabbits, yeah, you really don't wanna know. It was actually disgusting and horrific enough to turn someone into a vegetarian FOR LIFE. Now see, that is serious animal cruelty.
All of these events led to me now typing on this shiny pink keyboard and now it shall lead to my exit (: til tomorrow ciao bello
&&YAY SUNDAY
-and this she wrote.
-and this she wrote.
I'm a wild creature. I can't stand staying indoors. Why do you fear the outside world so much? Yes, you've gone through alot and I understand, but why do you have to pull me into your misery as well? I love you no doubt...but can I keep going on this way trying to get used to it? Going out without your consent, without you knowing...Telling you lies.
I didn't think love was going to be this easy, but I didn't think that it was going to be this hard too.
im confused.
im anxious.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
At times, I'm so happy with you, but at times, the what if's get to me and I start questioning everything. I love you, but is my freedom and my old self worth giving up? Yes I do not know as much about how the world works, and yes, I know what I was before, it wasn't a nice thing to be, but I can change, just not this much baby...
I can't be all that you want me to be. It's not my nature. How can I change my own way of life for a simple thing called love? For you...yes I love you...but..what if it's just not enough? Think about it...
If you love me, you would accept me for who I am. Not what you want me to be.
Simple as that.
&&the words I long to speak for so long..
-and this she wrote.
I don't even have time to go out as much as I used to before. I get so envious seeing people being able to go out still as their actually allowed out at night. My parents are too goddamn paranoid to give me that kind of freedom right now. Gotta once again blame lil ol me for their paranoia. Yes, mistakes can go a long, longggg way. Oh yeah to top up everything, my bitch of a mom has been annoying the shit outta me. Ever since she came back from KL with my dad, she has been acting like a bitch on steroids!
Seriously..its like I just wanna scream at her face and see her break into pieces. I know it might be mean, but you gotta live my life to understand this situation between her and I. Oh fuck it. I'm in the worst mood to blog right now so I shall save y'all the time and sign off. ciao bello
&&why can't i get over...
-and this she wrote.
that teacher just annoys the living shit outta me. It's not really possible to put it all in words. You gotta be there to understand.
Thank God for Fridays. I actually have a whole day to myself. No lack of sleep, no boring classes, but the assignment sticks. I have to once again write an essay for Socio, well not really write it, I can actually type it out. Ok I just tried downloading Microsoft Word from Limewire which is either the smartest or stupidest thing I've done.
My PC is one fucked up piece of electronic gadget, so I gotta bear with this shit til I get a new laptop. Maybe get a MacBook. This Limewire is starting to piss me off now. First it works then it fucks up :(
Oh well....til tomorrow *yawn* til tomorrow ~~~~
&&ciao bello
-and this she wrote.
God today was the worst day ever. Well today and yesterday as well. I feel so sick right now, don't know what's going on with my body right now. One minute I'm healthy and the next, I'm all tired and sick-looking. I already skipped Socio class yesterday..I had to skip the stupid sports house meeting again in college which was so-called 'compulsory' for all students.
None of the teachers actually informed us about the meeting, so I shall use that as my excuse and pray to god that I don't get into any trouble. I went to baby's house and had lunch there then took a long ass nap. We went to take away food from express. I had fish and chips. It tasted kinda weird though. For some reason it had this sweet, candy-like taste which made me kinda hesitate bout eating it. No one fancies a tummy ache.
Yeah..well I went home around 5.30 and despite napping for two hours and a half, I still felt really sick. My temperature was normal, but my breath and forehead was really warm. I felt like my body was in some sort of downgraded oven.
Indeed, I am not in my best mood. I'm tired, sore and to top it all off, I have a whole pile of assignments to complete. I should really start finishing them, but I'll do em later. I prefer lying down on my bed and blogging on my phone for now. My little cousin's watching spongebob squarepants on my tv right now.
Seriously she's the cutest thing. Like a little mini-me. She even looks like me back when I was still a youngin. Haha weird. Her temper's exactly like mine, her interests and vulgarity are so alike mine. She's the complete opposite of her elder sister though who's the more innocent kind. Well sorta..eventhough she looks quiet and shit, she's real cunning. In a lot of ways she's cunning.
She would actually get mad, but shows it in a different way. She would hit the little one and actually make it look like an accident. Smart huh? That way she doesn't get blamed that much. Clever girl. I actually admire her for that. Oh well..i'll stop here for now. I'll blog again later if something interesting actually pops up in my head. Til then..ciao bello!
-and this she wrote.
